QKelly.net

Corny jokes

I love corny jokes. The groanier, the better. Have any good ones? Please send them in at kelly@qkelly.net so we can spread the joy and the eye-rolling!

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Why did the elephant cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!

Why did the boy make his mother stand under the steps?
Because he had always wanted a stepmother.

While two cannibals were eating a clown, one said to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

VALENTINE'S DAY JOKE
Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?

Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

What do you do with a blue whale?
Try to cheer him up!

What bird steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
Robin Hood!

Thanks to Melissa L. for the following joke!
What did one recliner say to the other?
You're lazy, boy.

The following is a riddle, not a joke.
A man rode into town on Sunday. He stayed two days and left on Friday. How is that possible?
Sunday and Friday are horses.

Thanks to Nikki M. for the following joke!
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue-elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant?
Choke it until it turns blue, then use the blue-elephant gun.

Thanks to Nikki M. for the following joke!
Before you criticize people, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes.

Thanks to Melissa L. for the following joke!

Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?

Scared the hell out of his dog.

Thanks to Melissa L. for the following joke!

When bees travel, where do they stop to go to the bathroom?

The BP.

Thanks to Nikki M. for the following joke!

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"

The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down. As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you okay, dear?"

The lady replies, "I'm so angry. That bus driver just insulted me."

The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."

What time is it when ten elephants are chasing you?

Ten after one!

Thanks, Tali W., for the next two jokes!

What's brown and sticky?

A stick

What do people say about guys with big feet?

That they have big socks.

Thanks, Melanie F., for the following corny joke.

What's the best thing about being a test tube baby?

Having a womb with a view!